This is a woman that has taught me how to be confident and how to view my body in a healthy way. My own mother. She's a wonderful example to me. I love her bunches. My mom's a champ!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Mama Mama
Sometimes this world really scares the crap out of me. Sometimes I wonder how am I going to be able to teach my children...once I have them....how to be confident with themselves and how to be good people with goals despite the messages and crap the world/media throws at them. I was talking to my friend about this last night. We were talking about how we could have confident children. She shared this article with me about daughters. It was pretty cool. I need to start practicing this in my own life right now.
This is a woman that has taught me how to be confident and how to view my body in a healthy way. My own mother. She's a wonderful example to me. I love her bunches. My mom's a champ!
This is a woman that has taught me how to be confident and how to view my body in a healthy way. My own mother. She's a wonderful example to me. I love her bunches. My mom's a champ!
Monday, November 11, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Be warned this is a long one
So about a week ago in my human development class I learned about perfectionism. And I'm sitting and i'm thinking yup that's me I am a perfectionist... and i know that already, but it's kinda weird to learn about as like a diagnosed disorder almost. To be perfectly honest it's stopped me from doing a lot actually and even keeps me from performing well because I fear mistakes and failure so much. If I'm not able to do something perfect right off the batt, I'd rather not do it. And that is so lame! Because I miss out on so many things that I love! so I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it in a healthy way. I think that's a big reason why I started climbing. I wanted to prove to myself I could take risks and I wanted to prove to myself that I could physically fall and be able to get back up and keep climbing and be OK. I'm starting to fall back into my "I'm comfortable here" trap though. So I need to change that real soon.
Last week I went fishing out at Utah Lake at night with my friend. He had been researching the self esteem of teenage girls for a class he has. It was so crazy because most of the research showed that a girls self esteem relies on her appearance. How ridiculous is that? I can totally relate. I think often instead of actually being something I first try to look like it so I know I still fall into that trap. How many of our problems would be solved though if we were able to instill into girls that they have worth. Worth that is unique to the individual and isn't reliant on appearance and it doesn't change but will always be there and constant. Eternal. Worth that they would carry with them to motherhood.
A mother has such an amazing effect on the world. If we could help girls realize their worth think of how they would be as mothers. Children often internalize and model what they see in their mothers. What if their mother believes she can accomplish anything? What if their mother believes she can be happy despite challenges? What if their mother is confident in herself and holds her head high despite what others say? What if their mother radiates love for herself and for others around her? The world seriously would change! And it'd be amazing!
That's definitely something I struggle with my worth or how I think others view me or what I think I can accomplish, it's such a mind game. It's all about what you let into your head and what you let stay there. I often wonder how can I overcome that? But it's something that I can find so hard to do sometimes. How does one overcome themself? How can someone find the strength to do that?
I had an experience the other night where I was talking to someone on the phone and I started to get angry and then I had to try to remind myself to be grateful. I had to say it out loud: "I'm grateful I learned how to love. I'm grateful I learned how to live." There was no reason for me to be angry and especially for me to be angry with that person I was talking to because that person is such a gift in this world. He is happy because he chooses to be. And for heavens sake I loved him once! Sometimes I think to myself wow was I an idiot. I totally bought into all those lies. Why the crap did I do that? but I have to remember that at some point it was real. and at some point I was totally in love and at some point I was able to grow to a capacity that I did not have before then. So it's ok because I became better and now I need to continue to move forward and not fall into a trap of being angry and letting that anger sit inside my head and eat me up, because what does anger do? absolutely nothing! The important thing is that now I know of the love I am capable of having and also that I am more capable of empathizing with others and I am also capable of a greater love because it's going to take a lot more of breaking down of this now hard shell I've formed around myself to become vulnerable again. But really that's kinda cool to think about.
So I guess the moral of the story is it's possible to overcome one's self and to move forward each day. The ridiculous thing is though that I know it's possible but I'm finding that it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I often don't want to. And it can also be one of the scariest things. I know when I step outside of myself to serve others and move forward to become better I am happier, but I also know that I feel ok to stay where I am at right now because I'm comfortable, I'm content, I'm mostly happy, I do good things still, and I don't have a chance of failing because I'm already do things I know I can do. But the thing that's so crazy about me thinking that's ok is in the end staying comfortable will make me probably more of a failure and not as happy as I could be.
My other dilemma right now is how can I possibly help anyone else if I can't even overcome my own flaws and weaknesses? Just a lot of thoughts/reflection lately. Nothing I've acted on yet...so that's probably my biggest problem....
To end on a happier note, it has been absolutely gorgeous recently. The weather, life: it's great! Nature. mmmm. Love it. So for that I can be grateful because it is a source of hope for me. So I'll share some of it with you. Thank you to a super awesome friend and tender mercy in my life for taking some of these pics. Also sorry that this post was so long and that these pics are kinda random.
Last week I went fishing out at Utah Lake at night with my friend. He had been researching the self esteem of teenage girls for a class he has. It was so crazy because most of the research showed that a girls self esteem relies on her appearance. How ridiculous is that? I can totally relate. I think often instead of actually being something I first try to look like it so I know I still fall into that trap. How many of our problems would be solved though if we were able to instill into girls that they have worth. Worth that is unique to the individual and isn't reliant on appearance and it doesn't change but will always be there and constant. Eternal. Worth that they would carry with them to motherhood.
A mother has such an amazing effect on the world. If we could help girls realize their worth think of how they would be as mothers. Children often internalize and model what they see in their mothers. What if their mother believes she can accomplish anything? What if their mother believes she can be happy despite challenges? What if their mother is confident in herself and holds her head high despite what others say? What if their mother radiates love for herself and for others around her? The world seriously would change! And it'd be amazing!
That's definitely something I struggle with my worth or how I think others view me or what I think I can accomplish, it's such a mind game. It's all about what you let into your head and what you let stay there. I often wonder how can I overcome that? But it's something that I can find so hard to do sometimes. How does one overcome themself? How can someone find the strength to do that?
I had an experience the other night where I was talking to someone on the phone and I started to get angry and then I had to try to remind myself to be grateful. I had to say it out loud: "I'm grateful I learned how to love. I'm grateful I learned how to live." There was no reason for me to be angry and especially for me to be angry with that person I was talking to because that person is such a gift in this world. He is happy because he chooses to be. And for heavens sake I loved him once! Sometimes I think to myself wow was I an idiot. I totally bought into all those lies. Why the crap did I do that? but I have to remember that at some point it was real. and at some point I was totally in love and at some point I was able to grow to a capacity that I did not have before then. So it's ok because I became better and now I need to continue to move forward and not fall into a trap of being angry and letting that anger sit inside my head and eat me up, because what does anger do? absolutely nothing! The important thing is that now I know of the love I am capable of having and also that I am more capable of empathizing with others and I am also capable of a greater love because it's going to take a lot more of breaking down of this now hard shell I've formed around myself to become vulnerable again. But really that's kinda cool to think about.
So I guess the moral of the story is it's possible to overcome one's self and to move forward each day. The ridiculous thing is though that I know it's possible but I'm finding that it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I often don't want to. And it can also be one of the scariest things. I know when I step outside of myself to serve others and move forward to become better I am happier, but I also know that I feel ok to stay where I am at right now because I'm comfortable, I'm content, I'm mostly happy, I do good things still, and I don't have a chance of failing because I'm already do things I know I can do. But the thing that's so crazy about me thinking that's ok is in the end staying comfortable will make me probably more of a failure and not as happy as I could be.
My other dilemma right now is how can I possibly help anyone else if I can't even overcome my own flaws and weaknesses? Just a lot of thoughts/reflection lately. Nothing I've acted on yet...so that's probably my biggest problem....
To end on a happier note, it has been absolutely gorgeous recently. The weather, life: it's great! Nature. mmmm. Love it. So for that I can be grateful because it is a source of hope for me. So I'll share some of it with you. Thank you to a super awesome friend and tender mercy in my life for taking some of these pics. Also sorry that this post was so long and that these pics are kinda random.
Climbing up Secret Garden
Life is so much better with animals
Study spot
Walk to school every morning
Leaf Angel
Horseback ride through the Valley. Gold!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Burn Baby Burn
I have discovered Tinder. And unless I delete it in the next 49 seconds. It will probably be my downfall.
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