fear/instinct

“The fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all.. but we just went for it.”
It’s not the end that matters, it’s the quest. It’s hard to make our lives simple, it’s easy to complicate life. You can’t make a flawed system work. “The word “adventure” has just gotten overused. For me, adventure is when everything goes wrong-that’s when the adventure starts.”
“The solution that, may be, for a lot of the world’s problems, is to turn around and take a forward step.”

—	Yvon Chouinard

“I’m drawn to open country it’s where everything becomes clear, where the world makes the most sense. When I put myself out there I always return with something new. A friend once told me the best journeys answer questions that in the beginning you didn't even think to ask”

—

Jeff Johnson Best Documentary....EVER Just simplify and jump right in! It's the only way it'll work and the only way you'll figure anything out.  So I think that means that my trip to Washington is a great idea...and I should probably get a fixie, too, I'm pretty sure.   No but, in all seriousness...my life is only complicated because I choose for it to be but, when I connect to the most simple things in life that are already here for me is when I remember what's most important. Follow that instinct. That pure instinct, that gut feeling. It's simple but, when you do it things seem to strangely always work out. Because this life truly is much bigger than we realize it is. Just heard this song on 90.9 today and fell in love with it.

I'll have a #3

I'm convinced that rock climbing, yoga, and running are probably the best combos to stay in the best shape possible. I currently don't do any of them. Well, I did do some yoga last night though thanks to Pinterest
http://www.missclinic.com/2013/01/26-healthy-yoga-postures.html
I want to get up to the Standing Bow Pose even if takes me the rest of my life...which let's face it, it probably will.  I can't wait until my gym membership is up that I got scammed into so I can get a real membership to a climbing gym so I can boulder and do yoga all day. Mhmm. All I can say is I can't wait for my friend to get back from China and for me to get back to Provo so I can get into it for reals.  I do love this snow...but I'm getting excited for summer. There's a lot of things I can't wait for it seems. I guess that's what happens when you watch the Endless Summer and documentary on Fixies all in the same night.
Oh man I can't wait to get to the ocean...
Love this song.

THE FEAR

I decided I probably think way too much than is natural or healthy for any human being.  I'm sitting here reflecting on the day and thinking where my mind has been. If my body traveled as much as my mind did I would be so tired but, dang would I have traveled so many different places! It's hard to look back and realize if you took an opportunity you once had and did it differently your life would be completely different.  It's hard when those choices take people out of your life. You don't want to always be looking back wishing you could change it. The only thing you can change now...is right now. Sometimes losing something helps you realize you don't want to do that ever again. It makes you want to take this opportunity you have now and run with it. Sometimes it makes you want to just run away from it and not deal with anything and hopefully one day something will work itself out and you won't fail anymore.  Instead of running back 5 miles on the trail to smell the roses you missed, keep moving forward and stop the next time some flowers come up.  You'll never get anywhere if you keep running back to where you once were. I mean who knows! Maybe the trail loops back around and you'll pass those roses again. You never know. So pretty much what I'm saying is that I need to do that. Stop being so dang afraid of all the what ifs! Because they won't ever change.        I have a goal though. I'm going to let go of the fear inside of me and step by step I'll overcome my fear of failure.  My journeys to the sea are going to help me overcome my fear because both of them are things I've never done before.
Love this artist right here. Haven't been able to get enough of his music.

And So It Begins...

Ah! I'm doing it! I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and of being completely responsible. Bought a round trip plane ticket to Hawaii for just over $300 last night. Seriously that's the most money I've dropped besides tuition in my whole life I'm pretty sure!  So in two weeks I'm going on the trip of my life. Up to Portland and Washington with two of my best friends from high school. We'll do some sweet couch surfing and camping on the beach. Hiking through national forests, kayaking in the sound, touring Seattle. MHMMM. I haven't been on the coast since I was like 8 or 9. I haven't even seen the ocean since I was 12. and I'm 21! and this is where the changes start coming in.
There's something so fascinating about the sea...something that for whatever reason I think will heal whatever is inside of me.

True or False: My first road trip without my parents was two weeks ago.

Actually. I just realized that was false, probably my first one was when I drove to St. George in the middle of the night from Provo to go skinny dipping with my roommates back in September. Hey, who wants to dip in Utah Lake? not I. The only logical thing is to drive clear to St. George to Sand Hollow I'm pretty sure.

So I'm making leaps and bounds here people.  Hiking on the coast, then sleeping on the beaches in Oahu (in legal places only I might add) a month later...Sweet donna. That's all I can say.
Now... I don't usually ever do things like this but, I'm living at home, just working, not going to school. Should I be saving every penny I ever make for when I start school again in the fall? Ya, maybe.  But once I'm in school will I ever be able to do this again? Probably not. This is a rare time in my life when I can be irresponsibly responsible with my decisions and make some sweet memories.
I am constantly planning for the future and trying to figure out all it's possible outcomes. Yes I am the person that likes to read the end of the book...but really I just want to read the end of my book. It'd make life so much easier! On a side note...The only book I give you permission to read the end of is Cry in the Night by Mary Higgins Clark if you hit the creepy part at midnight and you think you're gonna die...not that I know that from experience. But I mean really, you gotta know that ends happy or you wouldn't make it!
I've noticed I get so worried about the future, things that are completely out of my control  because well, hello! they haven't happened yet. I'm not saying don't prepare for the future, you definitely need to do that but, I've realized that I get so worried about what's going to happen and what might happen,and what's not happening that I forget to enjoy what is happening right now. And why should I want to skip to the end of my book? I'd miss all the good things that happened in the middle. It's the heartache, joy, and pain, combined with the unknown strength and discovery along the way that makes the adventure what it is.
There's a quote that I keep referring back to lately by Tolstoy:

Remember then: there is only one time that is important-Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power.

And that is so true. I can do anything I want but, I can't do everything. I want to do so much but, physically I cant' do everything right this moment. I can make choices to do certain things right now, today, and it will begin to create what my future will be. With each moment I have a choice that will affect the next one. That seriously is one of the coolest things ever. You can't change anything else but, yourself. You can only do it one moment at a time but, you can start now. And when you fail one moment, then you'll be on to the next and you can succeed, or find another way that doesn't work but, overtime with each reaction and choice you'll find success. Take every chance. Drop every fear. (Thank you Pinterest). Take the opportunity you've been given and don't worry so much about missing out on another one. If you wait for something perfect...you'll be waiting a long, long time. Action is what takes you the direction towards that perfection. You have to make the opportunity perfect because it will never be perfect on it's own.
So I will be an adventurer. I'll take this opportunity, thank you. And I will enjoy the journey as well as the destination. And I'll try to relax and not worry so much while I do it.

First for Everything

So I once said I would never blog...and here I am starting a blog. And this is why...
it's time to make some changes.
Simple as that.
I'm not going to be afraid anymore of what I put out on the table. So this is my way of saying to myself that I will do things that I can be proud of...cuz who wants to look at a boring blog in the first place?... I will share what I learn, I will be honest about it.  I have a lot of dreams and ideas and it's time I started to reach them! Right? I mean come on... What have I been doing? Good things but, let it be known I'm going to do great things that make me happy and this is how I'll be accountable for it. I'm not going to be afraid anymore but, I will live life! Let's face it...this life is here for us to learn. What good will it do if each of us keeps the things we learn to ourselves? So as I live life, and learn, I'm going to share it.
It's so easy to want change. It's so easy to say," if I could change this about this-and-that," or "if i could change this about this person life would be better," but, look at that first word. IF. ah! I hate that word. I swear it's my worst enemy. What if? What if you could change everything around you? Would it really change anything? Probably not because you would still be the same, you would not have changed so you would probably still be asking the same questions. So if you want change. Change yourself. I want change. So I'm changing myself. And I don't mean drastic changes where no one recognizes me or anything but, I'm going to change my outlook on life, how I react to things and people. Bring it on life! I'm going to get past my fear of failing, but also my fear of success. I know that sounds weird but, it makes sense in my head.
So as I make changes, I'll post what life is teaching me and hopefully some of the adventures I'll encounter.
A quote from one of my favorite documentaries, 180 South:

Fear of the unknown is the greatest fear of all, but we just went for it.

So I'm going for it!  Wish me luck....