Real Quick...

This is one of the best things I've ever seen.

Patterns.

Word to the wise. If you deleted your Facebook, don't reactivate it. Even for two seconds. Not worth it. So I'm writing again I guess. And by the way I apologize to all of you who read this and panic because my grammar and punctuation is so terrible, but I'm just trying to get thoughts out. So sorry...but you kinda don't have to read this anyway.
Last night I went on a walk with a friend. It was really good for me. I didn't even know I needed it. But he told me I needed to start writing or keeping a journal again because it would really help me out. Which is true. When I keep a journal I learn a lot more because I show what I'm learning is important and then I am able to receive more. It also helps me realize I actually do pretty good things in my life and I actually am still making progress...even if it's extremely slow. So I'm accepting the challenge and I'm writing again and I know it'll only benefit me, too...
So last night as I was talking to my friend he wanted to share some song lyrics with me, but couldn't remember the song unless he sang it. It was great. So I talked about how much singing in front of people terrifies me. So he made me sing to him. In the middle of the night. In the middle of a sidewalk. By myself. Without my roommate's guitar. Or a choir to hide behind. So I turned around because it was really weird to look at him while I sang. Especially since the song was "Kiss Me" haha and I had to clarify that I didn't actually want him to do that. Talk about getting over fears. Or just being forced to I guess.
So...this morning was another rough one...it was probably a good thing that one of my roommates was here because I was about ready to punch a hole in a wall I was so just absolutely furious. And I don't get mad, like that mad. Ever. Maybe like once every two years...maybe. But it's been happening frequently because I just feel so betrayed and honestly just so upset that I allowed myself to fall so hard and so fast for a silly boy. And I wanted it to work so bad. And it didn't. And I blame myself for so many different little things that I didn't do that I feel like would've made it work if I would've done them. And it's dumb to do that, but I do.  It probably wouldn't be so bad if so many other things hadn't fallen through in order for this to come into place. Oh man, I hurt so bad. I hate it. And I just want to block out the world and harden my heart and protect myself, but I know I need to allow my heart to continue to be broken and to be vulnerable...and open. And that is so hard! Because I feel so shafted right now. But I know if I keep it open and vulnerable then I'll be in a spot to become stronger and to learn more then if I shut down and harden it.  And I want to run away again. I want to get out of this valley. I want to go back to Hawaii, or to Russia. Or just somewhere where everywhere I go I'm not reminded of things that happened last fall.
I feel like there is something I continually am missing because every year I feel like I'm at the exact place I was before. Square one. New home. Broken Heart. Every year. And I'm starting to wonder if that's ever gonna change. And it scares me.

Come What May and Love it

Did my first rappell yesterday up Rock Canyon off the Green Monster. Slightly terrifying haha Also did my first crack climb. At one point I thought to myself...If I fall right now. I'm gonna break both my arms. And my ankles. Joy. Bad idea, then I didn't trust the rock but, I was ok. Got a pretty big flapper from the Quarry last night working on a boulder problem. Those are the worst! And I found out if you put dryer sheets in your climbing shoes they won't smell so bad.
Been having bit of a rough morning/last night but I found this video. I deleted my facebook. We'll see how long that lasts, but I wanted to share this still because it brought me a lot of peace. Peace I so desperately need right now.

Just the Weekend

Hiked the Y with two champs. Put sleeves and a longer skirt on a bridesmaids dress at 1 am. Went to an amazing wedding. Ate at Bruges Waffles and Frites. So good! Get the creme! Ate delicious crepes at a French themed reception. Slept like a baby. Went to a little town called Goshen and wandered around a graffiti covered mine. Found out about a cool ghost town called Dividend. Ate Wheat Thins with Nutella. Found out someone else puts things like cucumbers on their sandwiches! Whoo! My best day ever has seemed to turn into a running 3 best days ever.

So I used to ask myself this question:
Would you rather have:
A) Someone who has similar religious views as you
B) Someone who likes to go on spontaneous crazy adventures
C) Someone who can manage money
D) Someone who treats you like a lady
E) Someone who makes you feel good
F) Someone who makes you want to be a better person in almost every aspect of life
G) Someone who knows who they are and where they would like to go in life

Well guess what. You actually don't have to choose. Yup it's possible. I promise. Cuz I've seen it a lot lately.

Best Day Eva.

ok...I'm blogging again. I can't help it because I had such a fantastic day yesterday. Seriously. I can't describe it anymore than just by saying that my soul was full of joy. My whole being. It was glorious to say the least. I just felt like it was the best day of my life for some reason. Started the day with pancakes, went to work. Then the real magic started. I went fishing with my good friend.  He helped me go jump start my friend's car at Walmart. After starting the car back up we turned around and saw the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen in my life! A full bow! And it was a double rainbow. Almost a triple. Very slight, but mhmmm so beautiful. God exists friends :) and he let's us know through daily tender mercies in our lives like that. So of course we have to follow the end of the rainbow to the pot of gold. And guess where it leads to? Provo Canyon! Heck yes. Of course there's gonna be gold there. That place is gorgeous. So we head out to the canyon to fish. Talking about life. Listening to Fleet Foxes.  (if you don't know who these guys are. Then look them up!) Talk about pure joy. Being able to sit in that car with someone I actually enjoyed spending time with, having meaningful conversations, and listening to music that automatically makes your whole want to smile. That was fantastic. My soul was just happy.

(notice all the flip flops and beer cans...what the heck?!)

We didn't have much success fishing, but I guess that depends on what you decided success is. We didn't catch anything that's for sure, but we got outside and we were able to enjoy the good ol' outdoors. On our way back out of the canyon I just felt so ridiculous like a little kid on Christmas because it kept getting better! And pictures, especially from a crappy non-smart phone, don't do this justice.

 As you get out of the canyon it got even better because you could see more of the valley.  The sky was like a beautiful oil painting from an art history book. Like from the Hudson River School except instead of that idea of fantasy you sometimes feel when you look at those paintings it was real life. And it rocked! The sun was setting and clouds were this beautiful orange. You would look to the east and the mountains had this hazy look because of the rain, the mountains in the distance were this beautiful red. You look south down the road and it looked like a chalk drawing where someone had wiped their hand across it to make the rain effect. Golden.
Got home and our friend brought over a puppy. Did you know you can rent a puppy for day? Well  you can. Best idea I've ever heard of.
Then I went running with an old friend. I'm here to testify that God exists my friends. And often He let's us know by the people he allows us to cross paths with.