the PIE

So I had a bit of a breakdown the other day/week and I decided I needed to change some things so I could start feeling better. And I did and I feel tons better. It's fantastic. Writing down things that are blessings in your life definitely can help. I can promise that. And realizing that you can rely on a greater power to help you overcome yourself is sometimes the only way to get through things. I can promise that too.  God is real. I love it.
The other day I went to an Environmental Panel on campus about Clean Air. And holy cow I hardly could follow half the stuff they were talking about and it made me so sad because I wanted to understand so that I could better help.  So one of my new goals is to be more educated so I can be in a place to do my part to make a difference. Knowledge most definitely is power.
Can I just tell you how ridiculous I can be sometimes, too? I have been trying to ride my bike more because 1. It saves me money on gas 2. It allows me to do my part in keeping this Earth a little cleaner (My mother always said, "One family can make a difference" 3. It gets me out and moving which in turn makes me a happier person 4. It gives me a different perspective on life 5. It forces me to be more aware of my time and to plan 6. It makes me step outside of the comfort and warmth of cars and buildings into the cold which reminds me that I am capable of feeling and it also reminds me that I am capable of changing how I feel if I work hard or in this case, bike hard enough. I have tried to bike to the front runner two different times now and either I did not plan well enough and missed the train or did not have time to make it on my bike and I had to drive to the train. And this is why I am ridiculous: It makes me so angry. It ruins my whole day, like crumbs in the cereal box used to ruin my day in high school. That is so silly to let that ruin my whole day especially because I still am doing good by using public transportation. And guess what? Life happens. And when it happens sometimes you just have to say...Dang. That sucks, and then you move on to Plan B or C or even Z and you stay happy because life is too short to be angry about little things and to not realize that you can learn something from each experience.
I didn't realize this until I went home for Thanksgiving and the pies my  mom and I made from scratch didn't turn out the way I would have liked. I got mad again. The pie my mom made didn't setup and that was fine. We just laughed about it and ate it anyway. Not a big deal. But the pies I made and messed up...big deal. Not cool. I was mad. ABOUT A PIE. And because I chose to be angry about a dumb pie it affected how I interacted with my mother the rest of the day.  How sad is that? I only had a couple days to spend with her and a lot of it was affected by how I chose to react to a pie. A PIE!!! haha
I also learned the importance of being where you are this week.  My mom approached me and asked me if I she had done anything to offend me or make me angry towards her. I felt so bad that she felt that way. She had been going to bed every night worried about something that she had done. She said it seemed like every time I came home I couldn't wait to get back to school and my life away from home.  She had not done anything, but because I been feeling an urgency to get certain things done that often meant I needed to be at school to do them and it in turn affected my relationship with my family at home.  Really I should have been at school working my butt off and doing my best and then going home and enjoying my time with my family.  She brought up an interesting point I had seemed to have forgotten: We never know when a time is going to be our last time.  I had never seen her say that with such urgency before and I realized how important that was to her and how it needed to be important to me as well.  I understood that could make me feel a sense of fear about things or it could make me appreciate what I have now and take advantage of the time I have to be with certain people or learn certain things or be certain places. So I am going to try to do the latter. I was glad she took the time to ask me about it becuase I was not taking the time to talk to her about those things. Communication goes a long way. Questions are good because answers usually bring more understanding. Or they bring more questions. But that still is good if always try to seek for answers with a good intent. We will understand. We are capable of that. It just takes work, honesty in wanting to understand, and often just time. Life is too short to be angry about little things. Life is too short to not be happy. And life is too short to spend time worrying about how short it is. Just enjoy it, be where you are, and love the things you CAN do.