Life and Death

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday. The ride over Hell's Backbone into Posey is a lot longer than if you go past the Elementary from Escalante. I recommend taking Hell's into Posey and the other road past Turnabout Ranch on the way out so you can get both experiences. Anywho...
On my way home I dropped into Nephi to meet up with my parents for Memorial Day.  Some things I believe:
I believe in God. I believe there was life before this where I was prepared for the life I live today. I believe in an afterlife. I believe that I will see the people I have lost in this life again and I believe that they are here with me still in spirit.
As I talked with my family about those who have gone on before us I felt so much peace and was overwhelmed.  My life has changed a lot over the past 3 years. I have made a lot of changes that haven't made sense to a lot of people. I truly believe that if you have faith your life will be guided by a Higher Power if you listen to it. Call me crazy but, I have learned by doing this and by listening and taking action to what I feel that my life has always turned out better than I could have ever planned. I won't lie though....
Sometimes I feel lost. Often I do. Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I feel like I will never figure life out. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get over the fear I have to take a leap of faith and try for something so beautiful I can't even fathom it because I'm too afraid of the fall.
But as I sat there with my family I realized that I am not alone. Not at all. Those people that have gone on before  me and those who are waiting to come to Earth are very aware of me. They, like my family here, are rooting me on and they can see the big picture a little better than me and can help guide me. Some have left great legacies behind that I can learn from and look to for help. Some haven't come yet. Some are waiting for me to make big decisions in my life so they can come. It's them that the decisions I make now are affecting so drastically. Much has been given me. I truly am very blessed. I have a legacy such as my grandmother who passed away from brain cancer 17 years ago today to live up to. She was strong woman. A wise woman. A woman who said that good news was that when it was time for her to go she would go quietly, not that the cancer was cured.  A woman who taught others to enjoy the time they had with the people in their lives because time goes oh so very quickly.  She's a woman who every person I have met who knows her was impacted for good by her. She made a difference and worked hard to do so. She did a lot of good for many women and I grateful to her for raising an amazing woman like my mother who is another wonderful example I can look to.
I'm grateful for my brother who passed away 25 years and two days ago. He lived for a month but he was a fighter. He fought to live even if it was just one month.  He taught many people a lot about life because his life was so short. He taught people about the importance of life and how it should be spent with those who mattered and on things that truly mattered. I believe we cannot truly live if we do not die. But loss changes people.
My roommate lost her brother 3 years ago today to suicide. That kind of loss is different. All loss is hard. but that is something that has forever changed her. That is something that I will never fully understand about her.  We will never truly be whole until we are once again united with those we have lost. Then our joy will be full. Her life has been forever changed by his death. She is stronger because of it and has had to fight a lot of darkness and overcome a lot of fear due to it. Tonight she talked with me about how blessed she has felt in her life.  She was empathizing for those who had been through harder things in their lives then she had and was grateful for her own trials.  I was blown away by her strength. Loss makes us vulnerable, it can harden us, and it can strengthen us.
Everyone reacts differently to loss and trial. We all believe different things when it comes to death. Often time culture and religion push us in a certain direction when dealing with those things. I think often we think that religion, that life, or our cultures are trying to push us all in the same direction and into being the same person but, it's not. We aren't supposed to be an identical mass of robots. Religion, faith, trial is to make me a better me. It's to make you a better you. It's trying to make us realize what's important and I think that loss, and death makes us learn that the hard way but we are not meant to be the same. Not anyone of us. We are all meant to be who we are and I believe that religion and trial only helps to shape that.
We should never be afraid of loss. We should never be afraid of what it teaches us and how it will change us. We should never be afraid of being who we were meant to be. We should never be afraid of overcoming darkness, sometimes nearly on our own. That is where God is needed because we can never fully overcome it on our own.  We should never be afraid of searching for truth and of seeking for our purpose here on Earth. No matter how long it takes. We must never give up. We should not fear risk and success. We should not fear falling and getting back up. We should not fear death. We should not fear life. We are each unique and beautiful. We each have much to offer. It's ok to ask questions. It's ok to explore. But it's also ok to not understand everything and it's ok to realize that we may never understand. We only should conintue moving forward into the future with faith and not fear. Days are hard. People leave our lives unexpectedly in death and other circumstances. It's ok to mourn. It'd be wrong if we didn't I think. It helps us appreciate life. It makes us realize how precious it is. It makes us grateful. It should not make us a bitter. It's ok if it changes us because life is mean to change us. It is meant to make us better.