Change with the Leaves

Today I am very grateful for all I have learned. Today I am grateful for the people in my life. Today I am grateful that I am alive and that I have the opportunity to continue to grow and become a better person.  Went camping last night. I love fire. And I love more than anything when I can sit and look over a valley and soak it all in and truly feel what it's like to breathe while a listen to beautiful music from the guitar or whistling. Went to the Farmer's Market and to Rancho Market and got some sweet produce for a great price! I will forever shop at Rancho Markets from now on. Attempted to dry some food for homemade MREs. We'll see how it goes. Went on a walk and sat under the leaves with a great friend. Went to work. Did some laundry, did some homework. Went on a bike ride tonight. It was so refreshing. This is great air to bike in. Good weather. I went with an old friend...well,old love really.  He'd just been on my mind.   It was good to catch to up. But I am grateful for what I have learned and what I learned from him.  I am so grateful I have grown up and I am grateful for the patience he had with me. Holy cow. I was 19! I was so immature. And I was awful at communicating. Sheesh. And I blamed so much of what was happening in my life on other people and on him when it was really just me! I had this skewed idea of how I thought things were or how they would be...and guess what. Because I viewed life a certain way, it became that way. And it wasn't fun.  I was so caught  up in myself. And I find that happening so often still. Why? Why, when there are so many other people on this planet would I care about silly needs that I have?  When I could have been trying to understand and serve this particular person better, I was more worried about myself.  And  I feel so bad still that I could be the source of such heart ache to another person. I admire him for his courage because even after a few months he came back. And I still said no.  And I'm not saying that because I'm single now that I want it to work with this kid. I am finally content to take this opportunity I have as being single to prepare to one day be married to someone I love and serve and can have a family with. But I truly admire him in so many ways. I am so proud of him still. He chooses to do great things with his life and to push himself always to do his best.  After my walk today with the tender mercy who I get to call a friend and this bike ride with a man to whom I look up to so much, I realized that I have a lot of potential that I am not working towards reaching. These two men are phenomenal and the things they choose to do of their own free will and choice is quite amazing. They are such hard workers, very intelligent, athletic, spiritually strong, and they stand for good things that this world is so lacking of.  So tonight I realized that I need to change.  Right now.  So I need to set goals. But then I need to make plans to reach them. Tonight I was given this advice: No matter what you choose, you're going to be living life, and you're going to be happy. Different choices just allow you to live life different ways, but you're going to be living it either way.
So what will be of most worth to me? And how can I move forward with a change in my heart to do good and be better? Maybe it's not so bad that a change seems to always come my way with the seasons or in the fall...I love seasons.  And with each season comes a new beauty and adventure. So I'm glad I'm changing with the leaves.  Welcome to this new season.